Paul
a story by Norm
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Matthew 7:15
Paul - False Prophet - False Preacher - False Gospel
Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.
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The Damascus Gate, Jerusalem, circa 40AD:
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A dusty man straggles into town.
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"Howdy dusty stranger," a man by the Gate says.
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"Uh, howdy to you too. My camel broke down a few miles out of town and I had to walk in. Hey, where can a fella get a drink around these here parts?"
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"Well, over there at the Jerusalem Bar and Grill they've gotten some good Scotch just off the boat from Rome. But first tell us your story dusty stranger."
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"Sure. My name is Paul and I'm from Tarsus. You can call me Paul of Tarsus. That has a nice ring to it. I used to be known as Saul and I was into persecuting some religious people but that's all over now. The Emperor told me I could no longer beat 'em so I figured if I can't beat 'em I might as well join 'em. Haha. Sometimes I kill myself! I'd be looking for some fellas named Peter, and James and John. I got some information for them. Do you know their whereabouts?"
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"Hmm, mebbe I do and mebbe I don't. What do you want 'em for?"
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"I have some information for them. I heard they was a startin' up a new religion and I figured I could get in on the action. I have a lot of good ideas for organization and for marketing the message so that it has the most selling potential and impact and has the greatest hooking power. I can be all things to all people, I know how to handle these sorts of operations."
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"Actually, stranger, me and the boys here are the people you are looking for. I'm Peter and that's James and John over there. Fellas, say 'hello' to the dusty stranger, our new friend."
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"Oh great! I guess I'd better tell you then that on the walk into town on the Damascus Road after my camel broke down, it was a might hot out there and I had a vision. Did I say it was hot? It was so hot my camel driver was wearing an oscillating turban. I tell ya, lads, it was hotter than a two peckered billy goat. It was so hot and dry I heard a Pharisee praying, 'I wish it would rain - not so much for me, cuz I've seen it -- but for my 7-year-old.' But I digress. Back to my vision."
"I tell you boys, this is BIG and we can't really afford to let amateurs mess it up. In the vision I had, your former Master, the one named Jesus, came to me and he told me that this organization needed me to take it over to get it off the ground because, frankly, and no offense intended to the lot of you, but he said the people he chose and trained for the job just weren't up to it, that they were disorganized, fragmentized, ostracized, paralyzed, depressed, confused, and were working scattershot, and he told me that from now on I would be speaking for Him and taking over the direction and control of this new religion, and that whatever I told you would be what God would tell you, and He told me to tell you that you should believe me because I have said these things clearly. He also told me to tell you that there had been some misunderstanding, and that his real gospel was that He had come to earth to die for people's sins, you know, the sacrifice of an innocent to atone for things that guilty people have done. I think it should be obvious to everyone that wrongdoings and wrongdoers require the death of an innocent person to make things right. Anyway, I was told to tell you that contrary to what you may have thought when Jesus was here and you were preaching and teaching with him, God demands innocent blood or He simply cannot forgive sins. The records you have of Jesus saying that if you forgive others, God will forgive you, haha, you know, people say lots of stuff. I wouldn't put much stock in that. Someone probably just misheard Jesus, I'm sure He didn't mean it."
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"Wow! How can you be so sure? Because He warned us about false prophets. And all of us were with him on the teaching and preaching tours to all the cities and towns in the land, and none of us remembers any gospel being told to the multitude by us and Jesus that was anything like that. James, John, do you remember the Master or us telling the people that Jesus had come to die for their sins and that that was the "good news? I don't remember that. But I guess if this dusty stranger named Paul says it's true, then it must be true because he told us clearly that he was speaking for Jesus. In view of that, how can it not be true? In view of that, how can we not turn the new Christian organization over to Paul? But maybe we should go away in private for a few minutes and talk about it."
"Well, dusty stranger, after consulting with one another we have come to the conclusion that if you say you saw Jesus in a vision, and if you say you are speaking for God, and if you say your new gospel is the real one even though we're pretty sure it's not the one we thought we were preaching with Jesus to the multitude in cities and towns, then I guess we have no other choice but to believe you and to put you in charge of this endeavor."
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"Great! Glad to hear it. Oh, there's one other thing. I understand that some of you guys are writing accounts, called gospels, of your time with Jesus and his teachings, and so forth. I believe those writing are Matthew, Mark, and you John, all real apostles of Jesus. Well, I want in on this action too. I know a good ghost writer, so to speak, a gentile friend of mine named Luke Johnson. He's a physician, but he writes novels on the side. Did you hear that great speech by the Emperor last Solstice? Yup, that was Luke. Anyway, he's going to write one of these so-called 'gospels,' -it will be known as The Gospel According to Luke but actually it will be pretty much my version of what happened, based on what I have heard from the rest of you, along with my own imaginings. Yes, I know, Luke was not an apostle like the three other 'gospel' writers, but from now on, as befits my new position as head of this Christianity thing, and in view of the fact that I am speaking for God as I have clearly told you, from here on out you will address me as The Apostle Paul. Is that clear? And I warn you, if anyone tries to tell you about any other gospel (good news about salvation) that's different from mine, there's going to be hell to pay. OK men, you're dismissed for the time being."